CASE STUDY: Divorced Woman 'Christine'
"I was an attractive 34 year old woman with a great job. I had a big house, a nice car, and I was in great shape. In other words, I was the catch of the century! But after my divorce at age 32 (I got married young), my dating life went downhill FAST.
I started out online dating with Match.com and eHarmony; but then I noticed that the guys I was dating seemed to be getting younger and younger, while I was becoming older and older. In fact, with each new guy that came into my life post-divorce, I seemed to be further behind in the dating game than before!
Don't get me wrong – none of these men were bad for a first date or two, but none of them were really right for me. Most of the guys were too young, or married, or just had nothing in common with me. I thought that finding a single man to date would be easy – after all, I'm a nice looking girl who has been divorced already and knows a little something about making a marriage work - or not! :-D
But it turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. It seemed that what I thought were decent men just didn't seem interested in me at all. Even when I found a nice guy who seemed to have potential, things often didn't work out. I couldn't figure out why!
One thing was for sure: I wasn't going to settle for someone who wasn't the right "fit." After all, going through a divorce is pretty horrible! Who wants to do THAT again?
There was a much deeper theme going on that took over my daily thoughts: I wondered if I was too old or too damaged to find a "nice" guy.
Maybe it would be better to just stay single. It’s just no fun, though, to go on vacation alone, to go to restaurants alone, or not have someone to snuggle up with on a rainy Sunday morning. So I kept at it.
Dating seemed to be another form of hell. I was so tired going on tons of dates, only to end up becoming friends with someone who could have been a great partner. It seemed like dating was one long cycle of being attracted to someone, dating for awhile, discovering we weren't really compatible, and then ending it - over and over.
I met Susan from The Quiet Zone Coaching at a networking event. I thought a dating coach was the last thing I needed. I had read as many dating books as possible, attended dating events for years, and joined a zillion dating websites.
Susan recommended that I define my value system. She told me that our values are the framework for how others see us! Who would have thought dating guidance could come from a dating coach? X-D
I had better things to do than writing down my values (really, who has time for that?), but I figured it couldn't hurt. After all, what was the worst thing that could happen - getting a glimpse of how others see me? And maybe it would actually help.
The next thing she did was ask me to decide who I wanted to be, based on those values. The idea was that now I had a template to "fake it 'til I made it" - and use that persona as training wheels to become the best person I can be. I would make new, positive behaviors part of my daily life. If a behavior didn't match up, it wasn't right for me anymore. She was just asking me to be who I wanted to be - fair enough.
I started noticing a newfound confidence. There was no question about what I should do or say when I met someone new. I found myself reaching out to others more.
We continued working on my self-confidence and self-esteem, and started analyzing what went wrong in my past relationships. We talked about the "lenses" through which I viewed the world, and my beliefs about dating, men, marriage - and myself!
Through that process I realized there were deeper issues. The dating advice books could only help me change my behavior, but they couldn't address the REAL issue - my self-esteem, attitudes, and deep-down beliefs about relationships. I had become a "love chameleon" and a "desperate hunter" - willing to do anything to NOT be lonely anymore.
Then I realized: If I could heal from the inside out, then I would attract and find that "perfect partner."
The dating world opened up. I met new guys all the time, and dating was fun again! It wasn't scary anymore and it even felt empowering. The thrill of an unknown future with new connections made every single day adventurous and exciting!
I also started noticing a different kind of guy paying attention to me. We had more in common, and it was easier to make compromises and work through problems than ever before.
Recently I met someone who I knew from years ago. He had always wanted to ask me out, but somehow life got in the way. We've been dating for a while now, and this relationship is better than any I've experienced before. I can feel myself becoming the dating woman I've always wanted to be, but never thought possible.” -"Christine"
You can learn the same things that “Christine” did, and make this story your own! Go to https://TheQuietZoneCalendar.as.me/ to schedule a Perfect Partner Assessment. We'll discover the top 3 things that are sabotaging your love life, and the #1 thing you can do to find the ideal partner for you!